TV Sitcoms Into Movies

Another summer movie season brings us more films based on television sitcoms. The two I can think of off the top of my head are "Get Smart" and "Sex and the City", though there are probably a few more that will suck just as much. This got me thinking about sitcoms they have yet to turn into films and I realized there are a number of really, really crappy films based on insanely stupid TV shows just waiting to be made. I will offer some suggestions and possible plot ideas.

1. "Small Wonder the Movie"

Possible plot line:

Vicki, because she is a robot and knows everything, gets accepted into Harvard on a full-ride scholarship. Harriet, who is going there as well (she was a real book worm), has to get loans to fund her education. She becomes enraged at the situation and in a fit of jealousy, exposes Vicki's cyborg-hood to the student body at a fraternity party (I'm thinking some kind of wet t-shirt contest and a malfunction in her circuit board).

Vicki is kicked out, her brother Jami files a lawsuit on her behalf (I know, he didn't seem that bright as a middle-school student, but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he turned it around in high-school and college) and the case is eventually taken to the Supreme Court and the justices rule in her favor. This sets the precedent for all types of pro-cyborg legislation and rulings that eventually leads to the post-apocalyptic setting of the Terminator films.

2. "Webster the Musical"

Webster, bored with always being locked in the house (they never let him out, right? Correct me if I'm wrong) and tired of the same old secret passages to crawl through, decides to run away from home. He ends up on the mean streets of NYC and gets cast as Gary Coleman's stunt double on Diff'rent Strokes. Todd Bridges takes him under his wing and teaches him about 3 day coke binges, loose women, and how to shoot heroin. Webster quickly becomes disillusioned with his life and teeters on the brink of self-destruction before the Papadopolous's find him living under a pier with a syringe stuck in his eyeball. They take him back home where he suffers through a brutal detox and learns the importance of the family and earns redemption through the teachings of the Dali Lama.

Andrew Lloyd Weber lacks the proper edge to score the music. Philip Glass would probably be a better choice considering the era it's set in and the subject matter.

3. "Thundercats, Ho"

There have been rumors about a Thundercats movie for years. Nothing has been released yet aside from this trailer made by film students/nerds somewhere.

Wow. I'm speechless. Somebody needs to make this movie for real though, ASAP. A group of bad-a** anthropomorphized jungle cats that say "Ho" all the time. That's movie magic plain and simple.