Why?

Cedric Benson.
Vinnie Del Negoro.

Why?

Go Depaul Basketball and Illini Football. I fear that's all we have to look forward to this Fall.

Stop Polluting the Minds of our Nation's Young Women Sarah Jessica Parker.

Sex and the City The Movie is out. I haven't seen it nor do I intend to. I'm sure it's incredibly awful. Therefore this post has nothing to do with the plot line, cinematography, or directing that's in that garbage (I'm sure it's safe to say that all of the above suck). I'm more concerned with the message these skanks continue to send to the impressionable young females in this country.

What these skeezers are telling our daughters, sisters, nieces and wives is that it's ok to be a hoe. They do this by approaching skankdom with a comedic irreverence and wrongfully romanticize what it is to be a sexually uninhibited single woman. Furthermore, they try to legitimize their skankhood by disguising it as a snub at the oppressive, patriarchal society that dominates corporate America.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. You're not liberating yourself by spreading gonorrhea throughout your social circle. You're also not breaking through that glass ceiling by having unprotected sex with 4-7 different men a week.

Listen Sarah, Kim, and the rest of the skanks in that movie: You will never reach your intended end by these means. In fact, you make it impossible to do so. You're caught up in a vicious Catch 22 that has only pushed the feminist movement back at least 75 years and helped millions of young American women to contract a host of STD's.

Look at the jungle of negative role-models nice young ladies have to hack through these days to get to a place where they can be self-confident, successful, and non-skanked:

No Comment Necessary.

(Did her head get a LOT bigger recently or is it just me?)

The skank has the nerve to assume that her stupid-ass "That's Hot" phrase is ingrained enough into the popular lexicon that it can now be made ironic by her wearing a "Thats Hot" t-shirt. And she forgot the apostrophe. Maybe grammar, "isnt hot"!

Wasn't this chick on the Disney Channel? I'm not even going to get into fellow Disney Channel alums Brittney and Xtina. This is a family page and I don't think they've taken a picture I would feel comfortable posting in over 4 years.

In conclusion, a recent study of New York City residents showed that 26% percent of the population carried the Herpes virus. It broke down the results to show that the virus was carried by 19% of the men and 36% percent of the women. That means at least one of the skanks in Sex and the City has it, if not all of them. Scary. Herpes is no joke.

Well, that's kind of funny.

Falcor the Luck Dragon

As you get older they teach you how to "deconstruct" things in school. We are taught to deconstruct beliefs, ideas, prejudices, etc. For me, deconstruction became a terrible habit that still rages out of control. For instance, I was just analyzing the Never Ending Story the other day while showering and I realized two things. The first is that the film is at once a critique and celebration of Nietzsche's "Will to Power" (a critique of the bastardization of Nietzsche's message that permeates the popular lexicon, I should say). Secondly, I realized that Falcor the Luck Dragon is a, ahem, "sexual subversive".

All types of hints are dropped throughout the film about how perverted this flying dog thing is. I can't remember the exact dialogue, but he is always talking about how he loves children, especially boys and how he always wants them to ride on his back. He just has that unmistakable look in his eye that kind of redefines why they call him a "Luck Dragon". Maybe "A Getting Lucky Dragon" is a more appropriate moniker for this Chester.

More Paint/Paintbrush Art

I didn't paint this one, my buddy Ken did. I'm very proud of him. I couldn't have created a more demented painting of a unicorn even if I tried. Well, enjoy:

Real World Hollywood

As most of you know, I have a soft spot in my heart for trash reality TV and I tend to consume it often. Currently I am watching The Real World-Hollywood. It pretty much blows. The chicks are not very hot and the guys are d.b. extraordinaries.

From the left: Greg Probably tied for first in the d.b. race, but he got kicked off last night for not going to their "job" at the Improv so that spot is owned solely by Joey (3rd from the left, I'll get to him shortly). Greg was the immature, insecure narcissist that everybody hated. I didn't particularly hate him, it was kind of funny to watch him piss off the other d.a.'s.

Dave I think that's his name. He bangs the blond 2nd from the right. He fills the role of the short guy with the overwhelming Napoleon complex. He sucks and is a pretty huge d.b..

Sarah The conservative Christian in the group. For some reason the cameras always focus in on her as she stares at walls and stuff, seemingly in deep moments of religious rumination. In reality, she isn't very bright and is the only remotely decent chick in the house. Unfortunately she'll never show us the type of skin Bree does so she sucks as well.

Bree The resident skank. It's obvious she doesn't value herself very highly which is why all she does is drink, smoke, and bang some walking STD named JoJo (the roommates gave him the nickname HoHo-they're not very creative).

Joey- I'm not sure where to begin with this guy. He almost deserves his own post. He brings his d.b. game to a level that not even Puck or CT could achieve. Here is a clip of him while he is tanked losing in arm wrestling and acting like a general d.b..

Later on he goes to rehab. He just got back last episode and is still whining about how his drinking is a life or death situation. Shut up d.b.. Drink your beer like a man. It's not the drinking that's your problem, it's the fact that you're a huge d.b.. Rehab can't fix that.

Kim I think. She is the judgmental Southern Belle that is a closet skank. Not too much there. The more I watch the show, the better looking she gets, but in general, not hot.

Will The insightful musician. He has a tendency to be a little over dramatic and definitely crosses over into d.b. territory often, but probably the most level-headed person in the cast. He annoys me because he is always trying to be cute around females and tells them that he has a "kindergarten crush" on them. No comment needed. D.B. City.

This leads me to the whole purpose of this post. Last night Janelle from the Real World Key West popped up in a bar, befriended Will, and offered to help him with his music career. I think this is a RW first. A cast member from a different season trying to gangster her way into another season that has nothing to do with her-beyond shameless. From a trailer I saw the producers are foreshadowing a relationship between her and Will. Can you believe this? There is no way a chick that looks like this-

would ever date a d.b. like Will that runs around telling hoes he has a kindergarten crush on them. Well, Janelle, I guess I have to say good luck and you go. Trying to strip-mine the Real World for another 12 seconds of fame is better than, well, stripping I guess. If you decide to take the latter route though, I won't be mad at you.

$7,133,000.00

That, Wilson Chandler, is how much money you probably missed out on by going pro after your sophomore season. You broke DePaul fans' hearts to be picked 23rd by Isiah Thomas' dumb ass and sit on the pine of the worst franchise in pro sports. Look at the 2007 All Big East 1st Team:

2007-08 All-BIG EAST First Team Deonta Vaughn, Cincinnati, So., 6-1, 195, Indianapolis, Ind. Jeff Adrien, Connecticut, Jr., 6-7, 243, Brookline, Mass.*A.J. Price, Connecticut, Jr., 6-2, 187, Amityville, N.Y.*Roy Hibbert, Georgetown, Sr., 7-2, 278, Adelphi, Md.*David Padgett, Louisville, Sr., 6-11, 245, Reno, Nev.* Luke Harangody, Notre Dame, So., 6-8, 251, Schererville, Ind. Kyle McAlarney, Notre Dame, Jr., 6-0, 196, Staten Island, N.Y. Sam Young, Pittsburgh, Jr., 6-6, 215, Clinton, Md. Brian Laing, Seton Hall, Sr., 6-5, 215, Bronx, N.Y. Kentrell Gransberry, USF, Sr., 6-9, 270, Baton Rouge, La. Joe Alexander, West Virginia, Jr., 6-8, 230, Mt. Airy, Md.

Are you kidding me? Kyle McAlarney? Wilson, at 6-8 and 230 you are heads and shoulders a better NBA athlete than all of these guys. Joe Alexander is 6-8, 230 and he is projected to go 13th in this years NBA draft! You are 5 times the athlete with just as good of a J and a better passing acumen. Not too mention the considerable rebounding edge you hold over him and the rest of the guys on that list.

If you would have stayed I predict you would have been picked 3rd in this year's draft. I know some of you will think that's crazy talk, but look at the fall off after the first two picks.

Scouts have Brooke Lopez, Jerryd Bayless, and Kevin Love going 3,4, and 5. Brooke Lopez is too slow to be more than average in the NBA. Think Luc Longley with worse hair. Or maybe his brother is the one with the lame fro', can't remember-those twins piss me off. They think they're so cute for going to school together and having kookie hair and shiat. I digress.

Jerryd Bayless has skills, but is a little too sleight to be an effective NBA point guard-probably a great 6th man though.

Kevin Love, well, he kind of has the same game as you Wilson, except you're are 7-9 times as athletic as that church-league superstar.

So, the 3rd pick in the 2007 draft will make $10,066,800 by the end of his 3rd year. You, Wilson, as the 23rd pick in that draft, will make $2,933,800 by the end of your 3rd year. See the difference? That's a lot of money.

Wilson, had you stayed, you would have been the best player in the Big East, brought some level of respectability to a DePaul program that really needs it, and probably improved you draft position by 19 spots. At the very least you would have been top 5 (#5 makes $8,219,000 after 3rd year). I don't know who the hell told you it was a good idea to leave, but it wasn't.

Really, would another year of doing this to St. John's have killed you?

TV Sitcoms Into Movies

Another summer movie season brings us more films based on television sitcoms. The two I can think of off the top of my head are "Get Smart" and "Sex and the City", though there are probably a few more that will suck just as much. This got me thinking about sitcoms they have yet to turn into films and I realized there are a number of really, really crappy films based on insanely stupid TV shows just waiting to be made. I will offer some suggestions and possible plot ideas.

1. "Small Wonder the Movie"

Possible plot line:

Vicki, because she is a robot and knows everything, gets accepted into Harvard on a full-ride scholarship. Harriet, who is going there as well (she was a real book worm), has to get loans to fund her education. She becomes enraged at the situation and in a fit of jealousy, exposes Vicki's cyborg-hood to the student body at a fraternity party (I'm thinking some kind of wet t-shirt contest and a malfunction in her circuit board).

Vicki is kicked out, her brother Jami files a lawsuit on her behalf (I know, he didn't seem that bright as a middle-school student, but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he turned it around in high-school and college) and the case is eventually taken to the Supreme Court and the justices rule in her favor. This sets the precedent for all types of pro-cyborg legislation and rulings that eventually leads to the post-apocalyptic setting of the Terminator films.

2. "Webster the Musical"

Webster, bored with always being locked in the house (they never let him out, right? Correct me if I'm wrong) and tired of the same old secret passages to crawl through, decides to run away from home. He ends up on the mean streets of NYC and gets cast as Gary Coleman's stunt double on Diff'rent Strokes. Todd Bridges takes him under his wing and teaches him about 3 day coke binges, loose women, and how to shoot heroin. Webster quickly becomes disillusioned with his life and teeters on the brink of self-destruction before the Papadopolous's find him living under a pier with a syringe stuck in his eyeball. They take him back home where he suffers through a brutal detox and learns the importance of the family and earns redemption through the teachings of the Dali Lama.

Andrew Lloyd Weber lacks the proper edge to score the music. Philip Glass would probably be a better choice considering the era it's set in and the subject matter.

3. "Thundercats, Ho"

There have been rumors about a Thundercats movie for years. Nothing has been released yet aside from this trailer made by film students/nerds somewhere.

Wow. I'm speechless. Somebody needs to make this movie for real though, ASAP. A group of bad-a** anthropomorphized jungle cats that say "Ho" all the time. That's movie magic plain and simple.